


Remember Me

by mooonynight



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crowley!Raphael, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-07-30 18:23:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20101615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooonynight/pseuds/mooonynight
Summary: ‘I gave it away..’ the angel mumbled.‘You what ?’‘I gave it away !’Crawly felt it again that little tingly warm feeling spread through his body he could feel the love washing over him in a tidal wave making his heart clench even more, the tears prickle behind his eyes. He also thought that love was radiating from him when the angels’ wing protected him from the first rain a few moments later that day.Or in which Crowley remembers Aziraphale and everything they had in Heaven but Aziraphale doesn't but keep having these weird dreams about Crowley.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)  
Raphael!Crowley is my new headcanon and this is my attempt to it.

Crawly watched as he saw the angel standing in the wall staring into the distance without his flaming sword. His angel. He gently slithered his way to him. He wanted to laugh, a bitter laugh, but snakes do not laugh. He changed to his corporeal form, feeling his heart hammer in his chest. His angel is so so close to him. Just a bit more and he could touch him reach for his hand and interlock their fingers squeezing reassuringly the plump fingers gently between his bony ones, smile and say that ‘Everything is going to be alright’ but he could not do it. Now he was the enemy, a fallen one, a stranger. A stranger. His angel no longer remembered him, no longer felt their love. No longer remembered the days they have spent between galaxies and stars or helping build the garden. All the creatures great and small, every little plant that Crawly has helped to grow into beautiful trees, including the forbidden one, all the times he had healed some small injured creature to Aziraphale’s delight. Reduced to nothing. Crawly’s heart clenched and hammered in his chest at the same time. It was unpleasant; it made his eyes water and his throat close in a tight knot.

‘Well that went down like a lead balloon’ He said not daring to look at him just yet, not daring to stare in those blue grey eyes and feel that love blossom again. Their first conversation after the fall. They exchanged a few words the angel wary of him, trying to cut him but not managing to. Then he asked about the blasted sword.

‘I gave it away..’ the angel mumbled.

‘_You what ?_’

‘I gave it away !’ Crawly felt it again that little tingly warm feeling spread through his body he could feel the love washing over him in a tidal wave making his heart clench even more, the tears prickle behind his eyes. He also thought that love was radiating from him when the angels’ wing protected him from the first rain a few moments later that day.

***

**Rome**

‘You know Crowley...’ Aziraphale said after their tenth glass of wine. The demon was so distracted amazed how the angel’s blonde white curls glistened under the blue ish moonlight.

‘Hm ?’ He answered not taking his eyes from Aziraphale watching the angel lower his eyes a slight blush over his cheeks, the angel licked his lips before continuing. Aziraphale’s right hand playing with grass blades his fingers pulling and caressing the grass plucking some out of the earth crushing the tiny leafs on his palm.

‘Are you going to say it or not angel ?’ Aziraphale laughed a nervous shaky little laugh.

‘You’ll think that I´ve gone mad’ Crowley frowned

‘And why would I think that, angel ?’ Aziraphale shifted on his place and plucked more grass out of the soil.

‘You see….I keep having this feeling that we already know each other. That we already met’ The angel turned a little to stare at him his eyes full of emotion ‘…Sometimes I wonder if we weren´t friends before the war’

The ginger felt that knot in his throat again wincing a little not daring to face Aziraphale, his shoulders tense, his stomach churning, memories flooding his head. Aziraphale´s voice calling him by his other name. Crowley shivered. He twisted the wine in his glass before taking a large gulp of the liquid.

‘I- I don´t know angel, I mean you are a Principality and I’m pretty sure that I was a some lower rank angel, so I think we never actually met, you know how things Up There are…’ 

'Are you sure Crowley ?’

‘Yes, Aziraphale’ he answered. Later that night Crowley asked God why She was doing this to him.

***

**London 1895**

‘You are lying to me…I just know it’ he heard Aziraphale say, the angel´s was holding his hand tight their fingers interlocked in a tight grip he could hear the blonde move restless on the comfy armchair he had placed near Crowley´s bed ‘….Sometimes when I doze off I always have this weird dream of you when we were heaven and all I can remember are these flashes of green and your voice. Why are you lying to me, dear? Why?’ Aziraphale’s voice stricken. The angel swallowed hard, he also felt a hot tear land on his palm. After the angel left, he opened his eyes and cried himself into sleep. That day Crowley dreamt about a garden, his angel and a soft kiss.

***

**Dowlings Estate – 2014**

‘Are you okay brother Francis ?’ Warlock asked frowning a little his Gardner was not being his usual self this morning, he seemed sad and his eyes were sad too. Warlock did not liked it. Brother Francis was always so cheerful making magical cupcakes show up, smiling fondly every time he and Nanny played around the garden, near the daisies. The boy didn’t want to see Brother Francis sad like this.

‘Yes little one, I just had a bad night of sleep’ he answered with a weak smile.

‘A bad dream ?’ the boy insisted kneeling next to him watching him curiously as he watered the plants.

‘Yes’ Then Warlock got up and said brightly: ‘I will tell Nanny, she always makes me hot cocoa and sings to me when I’m scared of bad dreams. She will do the same for you…’ Before Aziraphale could say anything else, the boy had ran inside the house calling out for his Nanny.

If anyone passed by the Gardner's cottage that evening, they would hear angry sad shouts and accusations. Thankfully, the rain was heavy enough to prevent anyone to get near there.

'You are lying to me Crowley !' Aziraphale shouted 

'I'm _not_ lying to you angel, I already told you' The demon shouted back his voice sounding guilty

'Yes _you are_, and you know it' 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter and this story will be a little longer than I planned to. 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos <3

**2017**

Often Crowley had these moments. These moments when he allowed himself to soak in the memories of his past life lying down on his bedroom floor a bottle of any cheap drink next to him in utter silence eyes closed his heart hammering feelings and unsaid things flooding his mind and body, making him tremble and cry. Sometimes he tried to cheer up by singing one of Aziraphale’s favourite celestial harmonies humming quietly while hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

_‘Raphael !’ the angel said surprised smiling wide to him ‘That was stunning…’ Aziraphale’s head resting on his lap, they sat under an orange tree in a hidden corner of the garden, his whole being almost alight with happiness his eyes sparkling in joy and love. ‘I know you love this one’ Raphael whispered his long hair brushing the principality´s shoulder, Zira raised his left hand to twisting his curls between his fingers staring at him biting his lips. _

_‘I love your eyes’ he whispered back cupping his cheeks to hold his face in place ‘The way they change colour, how they sparkle with happiness when you are tending the plants or when you talk about the stars I can practically see them in your eyes…’ Aziraphale rose his body a little, so their faces were inches apart, grey blue met green, the angel’s thumb caressing his cheekbone his fingers slowly tangling in his ginger hair closing the distance. They kissed. When Zira’s perfect soft lips met his the archangel shuddered and hugged his angel closer. It was chaste and soft and he just wanted to keep doing it forever and ever and ever. Kiss Aziraphale under an orange tree for eternity. They broke the kiss their lips still touching, eyes closed, hands clutching each other close. _

_‘Say something…’ Aziraphale whispered his right hand still caressing Raphael´s cheek. _

_‘…Please kiss me again’_

Crowley often wondered if so much love, the love they shared once, could simple vanish with an angry snap of celestial fingers and leave no traces of it behind. How could the angel forget everything? Their kisses, the touch, the happiness, the joy and the heavy feelings when Aziraphale found out that he was walking around Lucifer and his gang. The hurt in those lovely eyes. 

_ ‘Promise me, promise me you won´t do anything crazy….’ The pleaded his eyes full of tears his perfect lips quivering._

_ ‘I can´t promise you that, angel…’ _

_‘Why are you listening to him? He is rebellious and ungrateful, please, please don´t leave me…’ The archangel only kissed his angel again, not chaste like the other times, this time their kiss was full of passion and longing. A promise. _

_‘I won´t leave you. Ever ! And if I do, I will find my way back to you Aziraphale’ This time the angel kissed him. _

Crowley opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. These moments broke him they were so hurtful. The ache inside him only got stronger and deeper almost taking tearing him apart with it. His only wish right now is that God would smite him, if She did that maybe and just maybe he would stop hurt and ache so hard.

‘Please God smite me. I can´t stand this anymore, please, hear me this time…Smite me’

But just like the other times, She did not listened to his pleas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Hope you all liked it <3


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update :(. Hope you all like it :). There’ll be a kiss 👀

** 2018 **

It started out as it always did. A pleasant dinner at some little new restaurant with wonderful homemade italian food and some wine. Crowley watching Aziraphale eat, suppressing groans at each obscene noise the angel made. They went back to the shop intending to get absolutely drunk. They were sprawled on the comfy couch in the back room, several bottles of french wine by their feet, both of them in a highly giggling state already, legs touching, fingers brushing. Too many feelings filling Crowley’s hazed mind. He wanted to close the minimal gap between their fingers and hold them between his, bring the angel’s hand to his lips and kiss it in purely devotion. Aziraphale was comfortably watching him from his spot on the other end of the large sofa, his eyes fogged because of the alcohol, a dreamily expression on his face.

‘You know dear, you would look beautiful if you wore green’ The angel smiled drowsily at him, his perfect teeth showing and his eyes shining like stars. Crowley went tense. Green. He used to love that colour, his former robes and eyes were green, it reminded him of so many things. So many painful things. Pain and longing blooming on his insides. Green reminded him of the garden, of how much time he and Aziraphale spent there, how the angel always looked mesmerised by his former eye colour. How Aziraphale looked like wrapped around his green robes after they get intimate, how much he loved the sight of it.

‘Thank you angel..’ He whispered, feeling his hands cold and clammy, his body more tense, his throat closing in that knot he was so familiar with.

‘Seriously Crowley you would look beautiful...’ the angel insisted moving closer so he could place his hands on Crowley’s face, the demon whimpered with the touch ‘...Just like in my dreams’

‘Dreams ? which dreams angel?’ He asked, pretending not know about the dreams. Azirpahale’s breath on his face, his plump hands still cupping his face, heart racing, his breath became short and ragged. Suddenly the angel sat on his lap. Aziraphale was all over him now, straddling him, the angel’s smell filling his nostrils making him shiver and whimper again. The yellow low lights of the shop casting a soft glow around him.

‘The ones I have about you...Can’t see many of it, can’t even see your face properly but I know it’s you and you are wearing green and we are in Heaven’ The angel said, closing his eyes reliving the memory of it, feeling that pleasant feeling of adoration and love, so much of it. He felt so adored. So loved. ‘I can feel it Crowley, I can feel your love in my dreams, they are all so full of it, I feel it now. You must know Crowley that I feel it, since the garden, since the first time’

‘I don’t know what are you...’ he started saying in a hoarse voice. 

‘Please, stop lying to me Crowley’ Aziraphale’s voice above a whisper ‘I’m begging you Crowley, just stop it. Tell me...Were we friends before?’ 

Unable to speak the demon just nodded. Crowley didn’t trust his voice. He didn’t need to say anything else because Aziraphale kissed him hard and full of longing. For just one moment Crowley was glad that God didn’t smite him. But it’s like they say a moment in Heaven, and then the flames of hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like it ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Please, feel free to come and say hi on https://moooonynight.tumblr.com/  
:)


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